I AM Not My Hair Pt. 2

Yesterday I was asked had I gone natural to be 'trendy'. I didn't have to think about my reply because I'd been thinking about going natural before it was even cool to do so, had even been natural 10 years ago when pregnant with my first born. Back then there weren’t a lot of stylists who 'specialized' in natural hair care and no where near the amount of products out today, so that love affair ended shortly after giving birth. I'd try several times over the next 9 years to have natural hair, but I always fell short. My definition of natural hair is: hair free of chemicals and not altered but in a natural or as close to a natural state as it can be. Yes in my opinion wearing a weave is not natural even if it looks natural or 'afro-centric', sorry to all my natural hair friends who call these protective styles. Yes, they protect the delicate natural hair from damage but they alter your hair's natural state, just my opinion.


I decided almost a year ago to kick my addiction for the creamy crack. Eleven days ago I took out my hair extensions, weaves, installments, or whatever you want to call them. I did it, the Big Chop 'BC' as the natural hair community calls it. Yesterday I cleaned out my closet giving away 2 shopping bags of unopened weave away and 2 jars of unused relaxer. I got rid of my $200 Malaysian 20' inch weave bought only 2 months ago as well as my half wigs/falls and pony tails. Why? I didn't want or need the temptation. My friend said it seemed sudden, and it was but I got tired, tired of trying to find a way around my hair. Even though I've always had a lot of hair it never did what I wanted it to do, my curls wouldn't stay unless they were gelled to rock hard status. It was never the length I wanted, well not on both sides. It was never as thick as I'd liked. The weave gave me 'the' look I wanted.

Now many natural women screamed I was oppressed, depressed, and overly stressed trying to fit into the white man's ideal of beauty. I never agreed, weave was the equivalent of makeup to me, enhancing my hair as makeup did my features. I just wanted something my relaxed 'natural' hair couldn't give me-versatility, where my hair couldn't the weave could. That was my ‘weave it til you achieve it’ theory. So nope this is not a trendy thing for me. I'm not looking to do the next 'it' thing. I've decided that I'm going to just be me, embrace the unruly curls God blessed me with.

With that said I'm not natural by any means and I don't plan on embracing "I'm Natural" Movement. First of all my hair is natural I am not, here’s why. I drink Diet Pepsi more than I should, wear make up every chance I get, I eat fast food and I'm sure they don't use organic meat, bread, vegetables or dairy products. I drink alcohol; have worn and may still wear acrylic and shellac to achieve a certain look on my nails. I own several pairs of Spanx, minimizing bras and even a few pair of pants that claim to enhance the shape of your butt. I wear heals not for comfort but to make my legs look better. I cannot say I'm a naturalista because I don't live a natural lifestyle, again I am not natural, my hair is natural. And while I agree that having natural hair is healthier for us I don't believe that it will fit everyone's lifestyle, I'm not sure that it fits mine just yet, but I'm willing to see.

I say to my sisters who are fond of their extensions continue to weave it til you achieve it. To my sisters who relax the curl out of their hair every 4-6 weeks do you boo. To my sisters who are in the natural hair community it does take a certain amount of confidence to rock your natural hair. To society who seems to give way too much attention to the hairs on the heads of African American women everywhere I say I am not my hair and my hair is not a trend, nor is it a political statement. It doesn't make me more or less black. It is not a trophy and is not to be worshipped if the texture is softer or the length is long. You should not ask if it is weave because I've achieved a length and shine you're not use to. Don't ask to touch it to see if it is soft. Don't tell me it's pretty when straight but not socially acceptable or professional in its natural state. It's just hair and the beauty in being alive is the ability to make choices and be different.

As African American women we still have to learn that it’s our diversity which makes us beautiful being natural in no way means superior or more swagged out as I’ve read. Having a relaxer does not mean you want to be white and wearing a weave no matter if it’s 1B Yakhi or braided up in an Afro-centric still is still altering your hair’s natural state. So stop thinking that if you’re natural and wearing braids as a protective style that you are some how better than the sister who had 100% Indian Remi hair sewn in her head, weave is weave no matter how you sew it or braid it up. Choose, be and live your definition of beauty and be happy with who you are! I’ve just decided to allow my hair to just be hair, for it not to make a political or fashion statement, be a conversation piece, make me pro-black or more socially conscious. I am still the same Nicole who in December of 2010 Wrote I Am Not My Hair and I still believe all of those things. It’s just now I am choosing to wear my hair natural but that in no way changes who I am.

Again, I sing, “I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations no. I am not my skin. I am a soul that lives within. Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person? Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity? I am expressing my creativity. If I wanna shave it close. Or if I wanna rock locks. That don't take a bit away from the soul that I got. If I wanna where it braided all down my back, I don't see what’s wrong with that…”
India Arie, I Am Not My Hair

Reality TV...Whose To Blame?

I would be a liar if I said I have never watched even a milli second of any of LAHH Atl. I've watched EVERY episode of BBW, RHOA, LAHH, and LAHH Atl. and pretty much any other reality TV show out there and I am sure that if Real Mistresses of Atlanta gets picked up that I would watch that as well. Even if you don't watch any of the aforementioned shows just by talking about them you are unknowingly advertising and making someone else curious enough to want to watch. My watching these shows does not mean I don’t value myself, or carry myself as a queen, it does not mean that I believe in materialism over morals. Nor does it mean that I don’t care about ObamaCare, Politricks, or that I am somehow amused by ghetto and ignorant behaviors and that I don’t respect myself, my culture, or my race.

I understand there is a lack of ethics in every single one of these shows, but does that mean I lack morals because I watch? Absolutely not! However, let’s get real and honest; these ‘Reality TV Stars’ are just pawns. Where exactly does the moral responsibility lay, with the viewer or with the production company, the ‘Reality TV Star’ and their agent, the TV advertisers, YOU, or is society as a whole REALLY to blame?


Reality TV is nothing new, Candid Camera was one of the first reality TV shows and it was based purely on people allowing themselves to be humiliated publically, all the current reality TV shows are much like Candid Camera. Yes, I the viewer allow these shows to stay on air because I tune in, DVR, and talk about the shows (DEMAND), and the production companies and TV executes come up with a concept that is juicer than the last show one which humiliates another human being, the ‘Reality TV Star’ who only wants their slice of the ‘American Dream’ so they willingly sign on and give their agent 20% and advertisers then fund the whole project (SUPPLY).


We have to be careful where we assign blame, because even if you don’t watch these TV shows your comments on Facebook and blog sites are advertisement. Your Tweets help these shows that you find so appalling to become a trending topic, these people who you call ghetto you’re your tweets help them stay relevant…social sites are the new advertising and well those of you who write blogs, tweets, and set aside time to rant on Facebook and other social sites well you do their job for free. All I am saying is the viewer is a small fish in this sea of immorality. Society has a lot to do with it.

So before you step off your soapbox of judgment take a look at how you fit into the puzzle of contradiction and realize you too keep these shows on the air and those ghetto individuals relevant.