The Year of Quotes, Memes, Me and Progress: 2014 a Year In Review

With 10 days before 2015, I realize I am not the same woman I was this time last year. Since I have written more in 2014 than I have in years, I am taking with me 10 things I 'memed'. 

2014 was definitely the year of quotes, memes and progress for me.

This following is not one that I wrote but it spoke to me and is 100% true. I am working on the way I choose to handle situations. I am also taking this with me in 2015. 

God bless! I hope you all continue to sow what has helped you grow, but pull and throw away anything that stifles your progress. 

See Y'all in 2015!! 

Nicole

Confirmation

In 2013 I grew in my relationship with God. I began attending church on a more regular basis, prayed and even picked up my bible to begin a 13 week Reconciliation Journey. I fell short on some days, forgot to pray and while the 13 week Reconciliation Journey is over and I am still working on it I have gained a sense of peace in knowing that God is always in control. I prayed on my marriage, career, and on several friendships, I noticed that every time He spoke it was a loud voice, much clearer than I had heard in the past. His voice was not only louder but clearer and not to be mistaken with my conscious weighing the pros and the cons, it was a calm unwavering voice declaring to me that “it” was the right choice. It was this voice that led me to write this first blog of 2014. I almost went to bed with a heavy heart this morning because something was taken from me without my agreement. Instead of getting upset per my usual, I prayed, laid my head on my pillow and I slept well, no uneasiness and no hard feelings. Although, I spoke to my husband and a close friend about it I still feel good about the decision that was made for me, because it was confirmation to what I had already spoken to God about. I am going into 2014 with an open mind, a willing heart and the expectation that God can do ANYTHING but fail. My faith grew this morning, sometimes receiving confirmation will do that. I’ve learned that once God has spoken to you about a situation that it’s best to let Him deal with it from there on out so after I enter this blog I am letting go and letting God.

Love and War – 2013 My Year In Review

It’s funny when you begin to learn who you are, accept it and move closer to that person the more people you begin to lose. People are funny because they want the truth as long as it doesn’t affect them or their beliefs, or as long as they can continue to count on you to be who you’ve always been to them-and sometimes you’re the flaky friend who is always late, which gives them reason to excuse their own tardiness. I’ve learned so much about myself from the people I’ve had in my life this year.

With that said in no particular order here are the 10 things I am taking from 2013.

1. When you’ve begin to learn who you are and accept it there will ALWAYS be people not accepting of your change, simply because your change and your growth, sometimes means you’ve outgrown them/that relationship.

2. Some people like drama and not just in their lives. They create it, sit back and watch it unfold. All the while you are in pain and they are entertained so they keep the drama going for their pleasure.

3. Silence is sometimes the loudest and most important answer you’ll ever receive. So take those unanswered text message, emails, phone calls, and keep it moving.

4. When people love you, they love you. Their love sometimes takes 5-10 minutes out their day just to see if your situation has worked itself out.

5. If they can make time for others they can and will make time for you, if they want to.

6. Love is not supposed to hurt, but it’s not as pretty as movies make it look either. Sometimes that war that you are battling is showing you how much the other person loves you. Remember, we fight for what we love.

7. Most people have unreal expectations of relationships and love. They want you to do X, Y, Z after you’ve already done A-W and they’ve not even entertained the thought of doing A. If you can’t give it, please stop expecting it.

8. In regards to number 7. People will NEVER give as you give, so don’t expect their love to be the same as yours, but expect something-again remember their silence says a GREAT deal. There is a thin line between numbers 7 and 8.

9. My marriage, my kids, and my family are just important as any of yours. Even with all our flaws they’ve proven to be one, if not the only constant and stable fixture in my life.

10. Everything has a season, EVERYTHING. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are trees-stable and sturdy, but others are leaves: they bud, they deliver what they are meant to deliver and absorb what they are meant to absorb, they detach themselves or you detach yourself from them, they change and then they are gone away-giving back to the atmosphere. They find themselves being a part of this process in the lives of other people. We must allow ourselves to experience these seasons without sorrow, because it is merely life unfolding.

If our relationships fail it’s not the fault of one person, it is the fault of the people involved. Being in a relationship of any kind is work-HARD work and if the parties are not willing to work the relationships will fail. One person cannot keep a relationship thriving. It’s only fitting that this blog is titled Love and War, because I’ve been in love, at war or both during 2013.

God bless you all in the upcoming year and I hope you all take inventory for the stock you had in 2013.


© Nicole Williams, 2013

I Was Not Built to Break: 2012 in Retrospect

With only 30 days left in 2012 I wanted to share with you all that I’ve learned in 2012. Please be sure to check out “Dear Nicole” a letter I wrote to myself before the New Year.

 
I heard so much this year, but mostly I heard “Nicki, stop posting on Facebook, stop blogging and stop talking about what’s going on in your life to everyone”. However, what I learned through Facebook, blogging and talking to other people is that we all have similar situations. We’ve all lost a loved one, been in a bad relationship, lost a friendship, something or someone we loved and we all have that one song that pulls us in, stirring up emotions that we didn’t know we still had. We’ve all had that moment where we felt a bit touched, biopolar or crazy. We’ve all had something happen to us that we didn’t believe we’d ever get through it; some of us even thought we’d die. What I’m saying is that why should any of us be ashamed of our experiences, if it has not happened directly to us we know and have cared for someone it has happened to, but chances are we’ve all been there, one way or another. A person knowing, is still a person knowing, so should it matter if they found out during Testimony Tuesday at church, your relationship change on Facebook or your rant on Twitter? No, it shouldn’t but it does and what I’ve learned this year is that it’s cool to tell your experience but we have to be careful who we share with because not everyone who says “I’ll pray for you” is praying for what you’re praying for.

 
With that said these are the ten things I take from 2012.


1. Everyone is not your friend. I don’t care if they’ve been there since you were knee high to a grasshopper. You have to know where to draw the line, even with your best friends. Some things you can only share with God.

2. Don’t allow everyone around your family, in your home, and in your personal space, not everyone has a good spirit. Trust and believe you don’t want their spirit in your home, on you or your family well after those people have left your life.

3. Save a little of yourself for yourself, if you give all of you away one day you will not know who you are and you’ll be left trying to piece the pieces of you together.

4. Tears are cleansing, cry and you’ll feel better.

5. Stop listening to everyone. You know you better than anyone walking this earth. Trust in yourself and watch what happens.

6. No one should be your everything. If they are your everything is there really any room for you? If you answered yes, it’s probably a really small space.

7. Be honest with yourself. It only hurts you in the end.

8. Before you forgive anyone else learn to forgive yourself first, that’s hard to do knowing you have to take ownership and be responsible for your part in the mess you’re in. If you say you have no part in the mess you’re in, you’re lying to yourself. See number 7.

9. Everything is everything. It is what it is and it ain’t what it ain’t. Stop wishing it was something different; all that wishing won’t change your situation and you’ll just prolong your healing.

10. This is life; it does not come with an owner’s manual. Mistakes will be made and hearts will be broken. Sometimes you make the mistakes and sometimes it’s your heart that is broken, but no matter what you have to pick the pieces up and keep it moving, otherwise you’ll lose the battle and possibly end up losing the war.

 
Life’s trials are meant to bend you, they’re not meant to break you-tap into the inner strength The Most High has reserved for the hardest trials and fight! Fight your way out of whatever is holding you back from being the best you that you can be; because we’re not meant to just be average-if we’re made in His image than we are powerful beyond belief, we just have to believe in ourselves.

 
I wish you nothing but the best in all that you do and may 2013 be your year.

 
God Bless!

 
Nicole

I AM Not My Hair Pt. 2

Yesterday I was asked had I gone natural to be 'trendy'. I didn't have to think about my reply because I'd been thinking about going natural before it was even cool to do so, had even been natural 10 years ago when pregnant with my first born. Back then there weren’t a lot of stylists who 'specialized' in natural hair care and no where near the amount of products out today, so that love affair ended shortly after giving birth. I'd try several times over the next 9 years to have natural hair, but I always fell short. My definition of natural hair is: hair free of chemicals and not altered but in a natural or as close to a natural state as it can be. Yes in my opinion wearing a weave is not natural even if it looks natural or 'afro-centric', sorry to all my natural hair friends who call these protective styles. Yes, they protect the delicate natural hair from damage but they alter your hair's natural state, just my opinion.


I decided almost a year ago to kick my addiction for the creamy crack. Eleven days ago I took out my hair extensions, weaves, installments, or whatever you want to call them. I did it, the Big Chop 'BC' as the natural hair community calls it. Yesterday I cleaned out my closet giving away 2 shopping bags of unopened weave away and 2 jars of unused relaxer. I got rid of my $200 Malaysian 20' inch weave bought only 2 months ago as well as my half wigs/falls and pony tails. Why? I didn't want or need the temptation. My friend said it seemed sudden, and it was but I got tired, tired of trying to find a way around my hair. Even though I've always had a lot of hair it never did what I wanted it to do, my curls wouldn't stay unless they were gelled to rock hard status. It was never the length I wanted, well not on both sides. It was never as thick as I'd liked. The weave gave me 'the' look I wanted.

Now many natural women screamed I was oppressed, depressed, and overly stressed trying to fit into the white man's ideal of beauty. I never agreed, weave was the equivalent of makeup to me, enhancing my hair as makeup did my features. I just wanted something my relaxed 'natural' hair couldn't give me-versatility, where my hair couldn't the weave could. That was my ‘weave it til you achieve it’ theory. So nope this is not a trendy thing for me. I'm not looking to do the next 'it' thing. I've decided that I'm going to just be me, embrace the unruly curls God blessed me with.

With that said I'm not natural by any means and I don't plan on embracing "I'm Natural" Movement. First of all my hair is natural I am not, here’s why. I drink Diet Pepsi more than I should, wear make up every chance I get, I eat fast food and I'm sure they don't use organic meat, bread, vegetables or dairy products. I drink alcohol; have worn and may still wear acrylic and shellac to achieve a certain look on my nails. I own several pairs of Spanx, minimizing bras and even a few pair of pants that claim to enhance the shape of your butt. I wear heals not for comfort but to make my legs look better. I cannot say I'm a naturalista because I don't live a natural lifestyle, again I am not natural, my hair is natural. And while I agree that having natural hair is healthier for us I don't believe that it will fit everyone's lifestyle, I'm not sure that it fits mine just yet, but I'm willing to see.

I say to my sisters who are fond of their extensions continue to weave it til you achieve it. To my sisters who relax the curl out of their hair every 4-6 weeks do you boo. To my sisters who are in the natural hair community it does take a certain amount of confidence to rock your natural hair. To society who seems to give way too much attention to the hairs on the heads of African American women everywhere I say I am not my hair and my hair is not a trend, nor is it a political statement. It doesn't make me more or less black. It is not a trophy and is not to be worshipped if the texture is softer or the length is long. You should not ask if it is weave because I've achieved a length and shine you're not use to. Don't ask to touch it to see if it is soft. Don't tell me it's pretty when straight but not socially acceptable or professional in its natural state. It's just hair and the beauty in being alive is the ability to make choices and be different.

As African American women we still have to learn that it’s our diversity which makes us beautiful being natural in no way means superior or more swagged out as I’ve read. Having a relaxer does not mean you want to be white and wearing a weave no matter if it’s 1B Yakhi or braided up in an Afro-centric still is still altering your hair’s natural state. So stop thinking that if you’re natural and wearing braids as a protective style that you are some how better than the sister who had 100% Indian Remi hair sewn in her head, weave is weave no matter how you sew it or braid it up. Choose, be and live your definition of beauty and be happy with who you are! I’ve just decided to allow my hair to just be hair, for it not to make a political or fashion statement, be a conversation piece, make me pro-black or more socially conscious. I am still the same Nicole who in December of 2010 Wrote I Am Not My Hair and I still believe all of those things. It’s just now I am choosing to wear my hair natural but that in no way changes who I am.

Again, I sing, “I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations no. I am not my skin. I am a soul that lives within. Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person? Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity? I am expressing my creativity. If I wanna shave it close. Or if I wanna rock locks. That don't take a bit away from the soul that I got. If I wanna where it braided all down my back, I don't see what’s wrong with that…”
India Arie, I Am Not My Hair

Reality TV...Whose To Blame?

I would be a liar if I said I have never watched even a milli second of any of LAHH Atl. I've watched EVERY episode of BBW, RHOA, LAHH, and LAHH Atl. and pretty much any other reality TV show out there and I am sure that if Real Mistresses of Atlanta gets picked up that I would watch that as well. Even if you don't watch any of the aforementioned shows just by talking about them you are unknowingly advertising and making someone else curious enough to want to watch. My watching these shows does not mean I don’t value myself, or carry myself as a queen, it does not mean that I believe in materialism over morals. Nor does it mean that I don’t care about ObamaCare, Politricks, or that I am somehow amused by ghetto and ignorant behaviors and that I don’t respect myself, my culture, or my race.

I understand there is a lack of ethics in every single one of these shows, but does that mean I lack morals because I watch? Absolutely not! However, let’s get real and honest; these ‘Reality TV Stars’ are just pawns. Where exactly does the moral responsibility lay, with the viewer or with the production company, the ‘Reality TV Star’ and their agent, the TV advertisers, YOU, or is society as a whole REALLY to blame?


Reality TV is nothing new, Candid Camera was one of the first reality TV shows and it was based purely on people allowing themselves to be humiliated publically, all the current reality TV shows are much like Candid Camera. Yes, I the viewer allow these shows to stay on air because I tune in, DVR, and talk about the shows (DEMAND), and the production companies and TV executes come up with a concept that is juicer than the last show one which humiliates another human being, the ‘Reality TV Star’ who only wants their slice of the ‘American Dream’ so they willingly sign on and give their agent 20% and advertisers then fund the whole project (SUPPLY).


We have to be careful where we assign blame, because even if you don’t watch these TV shows your comments on Facebook and blog sites are advertisement. Your Tweets help these shows that you find so appalling to become a trending topic, these people who you call ghetto you’re your tweets help them stay relevant…social sites are the new advertising and well those of you who write blogs, tweets, and set aside time to rant on Facebook and other social sites well you do their job for free. All I am saying is the viewer is a small fish in this sea of immorality. Society has a lot to do with it.

So before you step off your soapbox of judgment take a look at how you fit into the puzzle of contradiction and realize you too keep these shows on the air and those ghetto individuals relevant.

HOPELESS?

Almost 3 months before the New Year life happened as it normally does but this time it came with a punch that was so powerful it knocked the wind out me. True to human form I cried, stressed myself out, got mad at no one and everyone around me, stop trusting those I once trusted and asked God, “why me, why now, why God?” I grew tired of hearing “everything happens for a reason, this is God’s plan for your life, there’s no testimony without a test, etc…” I exhausted myself of three cousins; you know them ‘would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve’. They were always in my conversation. If you would've..., I knew I should've..., My life could've..." These cousins will keep you living in the past, thinking of all the ways your situation could have been different.

My situation couldn't have been different because I am exactly where God wants me to be. Now by nature I am not an introvert so when I began shutting down and tuning out I knew there was an issue. Nor am I generally a mean spirited, spiteful, hateful person but when I began to spew words of venom through text messages, emails, phone calls, and face-to-face I had to take a look in the mirror and see this was not Nicole-I was broken. Broken into a million tiny pieces and in my mind I had no hope to be rebuilt or restored. I lived and wallowed in pain everyday from a past event. I was hopeless as Dion Farris says “as a penny with a hole in it.” Waking up everyday hurting and crying because of a past event(s) is not healthy nor is it productive.

No, it’s not productive to live in the past but in order to learn from those events you have to realize and accept the pain you felt. So when people say “let it go…’ “you have to forgive…” and my favorite “just stop thinking about it…” I want to scream, “Sure I’ll get right on that because it’s just that easy to do.” The reality of it is that forgiving is not easy, getting over being hurt is not something that happens over night, Let Go and Let God is not just a mantra or song that one sings and the pain is lifted. Removing yourself from a hurtful situation is a process, a process that for some can take days, months, and for others years. The negativity that comes with being hurt can drain you and while I try to stay hopeful I am a REALIST and know that that pain I feel is real. Everyday I feel it a little less, but it’s still there and it still hurts. It’s like falling off a bike, the pain from the bruise lessens each day but that scar is there to remind you of your fall. While I don’t have any visible wounds the memory is forever etched in my mind and therefore I will always remember the pain I felt.

I am embarking in a process of healing and I’ve decided today that I am ready. I’ve got my bags packed, (metaphorically speaking for all you literals out there in cyberspace), I am taking only the things I need on this journey and as I see fit I will continue to drop the excess baggage. On January 1st I penned a blog titled Regeneration and said that I am constructing a new Nicole and said “I am grateful this morning for this new life God has given me.” I was ready to enter that new life on January 1st but I wasn’t willing to let go of my past. All these things that happened to me did not make me a victim-instead it made me a Victor. I refuse to allow my past events to victimize me and make me feel less than. I am great and greatly made therefore all those that try to break me down will fail. I am a child of THE MOST HIGH and I am stronger than this challenge and this challenge is making me even stronger.

I am a work in progress and sometimes it is okay to take a step back and realize when you’re being ridiculous. I've not stopped, digressed, or stood still-I AM constantly moving.

I am not hopeless so don't count me out when you don't see what He sees.

20 Recession Proof Ways to Show a Woman You Love Her

So you’re in the dog house, again. Or maybe you’re one of those romantic types but you’ve run out of ideas. Maybe you just want to show the woman you love that you do love her but don’t have a creative bone in your body. Maybe you’re none of the above but just strapped for cash, either way I’ve got you covered. Most men are good for at least one romantic date so if you’ve exhausted all possibilities on what to do next try some passion, mixed with creativity and a little more effort than usual and see what happens. Here are 20 Recession Proof Ways to Show a Woman You Love Her.

20. Tell her. I know sounds easy right, but it’s not. You cannot walk up to your lady and just say “hey babe, I love you.” She’s heard it before. Get creative and find a way to say that she’d never expect. Write a poem, leave a few lines of a poem on a post it note and place it on the mirror so when she wakes in the morning she sees it, send her a text message first thing in the morning so she knows she’s the first thing on your mind, say it in another language. Whatever you do just be creative. Remember there are so many ways to say I Love You.

19. Lay with her in the bed without the expectation of sex. Yes, I know this will be difficult for many of you, but sometimes a woman needs to know it’s not just about sex. The two of you lying together, you holding her, and enjoying her company means a lot. Who knows, she may just initiate sex and you’ve both won. Cost you nothing but gives you intimacy.

18. Everyday for 7 days tell your woman 7 different things you love about her and don’t say something like, “I love that you give me head…” ughhh no, obviously you’re a man and men like head, tell her things you love about her-not things you love that she does for you. Cost you nothing, but makes her feel special.

17. Get a sitter and leave work a little early, cook dinner, desert and have it all ready by candlelight ready when she gets home.

16. Get a sitter and turn your living room into a movie theater, complete with popcorn, her favorite beverage and all her favorite movies. Let’s be realistic when was the last time you took her to see one of the movies she wanted to see? Not many men want to watch The Color Purple, Pretty Woman, or Sex In the City, but for one night make it ALL about her. Seriously, how much ESPN can one woman take?

15. Pray with her in the morning before you two get out of bed and pray with her before you go to sleep. God’s love is unconditional; let her know that you are a man of God by praying with and for her each morning and night. When your relationship with God is right, so will your relationship with her be.

14. While most women would prefer that you pay for her to have a spa day there are some women who find it sexy if you massage her feet and polish her toe nails. It’s not so much how the pedicure turns out then it is the fact that you thought about doing it. So go buy some foot soak, a pumice stone, some lotion with a scent, a nail file, and her favorite color nail polish and get your pedicure/manicure on.

13. Write her a love letter. Once you’ve written it, address it to her and mail it to your home address-if you don’t share the same address mail it to her home address. She will be shocked that you took the time to write her a love letter but will be surprised that she’s received mail at home from you.

12. Tell her to take a half day at work and to meet you at the park Have a picnic basket ready with fruits, chocolates, wine, and some music and plan a romantic picnic. Stipulation, it must be done in the spring/summer months unless she enjoys being cold.

11. Copy some of your favorite pictures from your first date, wedding, trips you’ve taken together, the birth of your children, and any other special occasions you two have shared. Place the pictures in digital picture frame (price varies from $30 to $200) and give her to her as a just because gift. Women love to receive gifts.

10. Make her a CD. Not of songs that she likes-that would be stating the obvious. Find songs that express how you feel about her. Place the CD in her CD player in her car and leave her a Post-It-Note that says “Press Play.” She’ll not only feel special but she’ll be surprised by your creativity and thoughtfulness.

9. One Saturday morning bring her breakfast in bed. Be sure that she is sleep and get up extra early to prepare a hot breakfast. Rent her favorite movie and put in the DCD/Blu Ray player put the remote control on the tray with her breakfast and wake her up to a wonderful breakfast in bed.

8. Prepare a warm bath with candles, soft music and a glass of wine. When she gets off work lead her to the bathroom and tell her to relax that you’ve got dinner, the laundry and the kids under control and that she can relax for the remainder of the evening.

7. Buy her a rose for every year that you two have been together and be sure to know what the color of each rose means. For example red roses mean romance, pink roses mean grace and elegance, yellow roses mean happiness, white roses mean purity and innocence, orange roses mean energy and desire, and lavender roses mean enchantment. For the meaning of colors go to http://www.rkdn.org/roses/colors.asp. With every rose be sure to say what it means and why you are giving it to her. Keep in mind a dozen roses generally start at $35.
6. Date your wife, I mean you had to date her before you got married and fell in love, continue to date her. Open the car door, bring her chocolate and flowers on the date, and ask her questions you don’t already know the answers to. Fall in love all over again by getting a deeper connection with your wife. What woman doesn’t want to taken out on a date. While date nights are easy and easy to do because you know for sure that this is day you are going out and you have a sitter, but be spontaneous and surprise her by arranging for a sitter and taking her out on a date other than your arranged “date night”.

5. Have fun together, play a game-not Monopoly or Connect Four, I am saying play a game about love and see where it leads you. One of the best games to play is ‘Would You Rather? Love and Sex: Over 300 Amorously Absurd Dilemmas to Ponder’.

4. Turn a room or several rooms in your home into a romantic getaway. Go to JoAnns get some leopard print fabric and throw it across your bed, light some candles, play some erotic music, buy her some animal print lingerie and play Tarzan and Jane…unleash your wild side and watch the sparks fly.

3. I hate to state the obvious but buy her a gift with her in mind. Maybe she has been talking about a new CD that is due to come out, the idea is to listen to what she is talking about and beat her to the punch. Get it before she gets if for herself and say “hey babe, I saw this and I thought of you.” Women love to know that they are on your mind.

2. Just be considerate of her feelings. If you know it’s that time of the month or that a particular day of the year is tough for her because of the loss of a loved one just be considerate and ask her if there is anything you can do, or just do something nice for her. Cook her dinner, massage her back, hold her while she cries and for goodness sake if it’s that time of the month buy the woman some chocolate, ice cream or an ice cold Pepsi and don’t make mention of her weight.

1. Be honest. The worst thing you can do to someone you love is to lie to them, even if you feel it is a little white lie-DO NOT do it! Remember the truth only hurts one time, but a lie hurts every time you remember it. Your relationship cannot last if it is built on lies.

*Every woman is different some women prefer NO romance and just want hot and heavy sex, so do what works for her. I polled and talked to REAL women to create this list so TRUST and believe these are things that REAL women want. Remember it takes only a little effort to make someone you care about feel special.

Should any of you try any of these things let me know how it works out for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Regenerated (re•gen•er•at•ed)

re·gen·er·at·ed - (r-jn-rt)
1. To reform spiritually or morally.
2. To form, construct, or create anew, especially in an improved state.
3. To give new life or energy to; revitalize.

It's 2012, many of you woke up hung-over-piecing your night together like a puzzle, made peace with 2011 and said “this year I am going to stick to my resolutions…2012 is going to be better than 2011…this year I will be financially, spiritually, and physically stronger and better than I was in 2011…” I could go on with all the things I heard last night, but I won’t. I just think it’s interesting that each year we all say we’ll do or be a better person than we were last year. I do too so I’m not knocking your resolution to be a better you.

Now, if you read my New Years Day blog from last year you’ll remember I spoke about a girlfriend who said "2011 is going to be a good year for me!" Now you’ll also remember that she said the same thing about 2009 as well as 2010. However, each year around midnight she was upset at how her previous year went. Last night at 11:45pm I got a text from that same girlfriend and it read “2012 is going to be the year of no BS.” I thought to myself “really?” Now every year she said claimed was going to be hers, but this year she boldly stated that this is the year of no BS. I agreed, so this morning in less than 140 characters I updated my twitter status to read “Team-NO BS this year...you're either for us/against us-we take NO prisoners so join us/move out our way.” Yep, 2012 is going to be the year of NO BS for me as well.

I’d be remiss if I moved on to 2012 without acknowledging 2011, which was definitely a year of awakening for me. Looking at the last 12 months of my life I realized I had been sleep. There were so many things that I had slept on and when God finally woke me up it was as if the lights had come on for the very first time, Oprah calls this an "Äh-Ha" moment. There were effects and people in my life who I thought were perfect, however these people and “things “proved to be perfectly flawed. Now if I call myself a perfectly flawed work in progress how could I ever expect anyone or any “thing” in my life to be perfect? I woke up today in great spirits, ready to conquer this life, but more importantly I WOKE UP.

I titled this blog Regeneration because it’s fitting, I AM constructing a new Nicole and I feel like I have been given a new life or energy today. I don’t expect you to believe that on January 1st that something just clicked and BOOM I decided enough of the BS already or that on January 1st that I woke up and all of my reservations/fears/issues/etc. from 2011 had ceased to exist or that all those things, situations, or people from 2011 would be forgotten because that wouldnt be true. This regeneration has been a work in progress for quite some time now. I however decided after reading my girlfriend's text last night that January 1, 2012 would be the first day of the rest of my life, that I would no longer look to my past for answers to questions that I know I don’t want to know the answers to. I can’t change the past, I can’t forget that these things took place, I can’t change the hurt I felt and still feel but I can stop living in it.-that hurt/pain/guilt/shame/defeat of the past. One should never put current energy on past events, it’s not healthy nor is it productive, this I now know first hand and will live out moving forward.

I am grateful this morning for this new life God has given me. I now understand what is meant by living two lives. You have one life that you learn with; these are the mistakes you’ve made-your PAST. The other life is the one you live, the moments that exist now-your PRESENT. Which life are you currently living?

Love, Life, Life!

Nicole

Not Easily Broken-2011 in Retrospect

Ms. Badu said it best. “…I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere…tried to move but I lost my way…” Yes I’ve stumbled, lost my way, lead others to follow me even when I was lost because yes misery loves company and I cried, how I cried in 2011. But without all these tests I’d have No testimony. It’s hard to hear people say “it will be okay” when you’re going through something difficult. I’ve heard “it will be okay” more times this year, but you know what, it was and still is okay because I’m still standing. I wasn’t built to break.

I’ve learned so much about communication, marriage-relationships in general, trust, and faith this year that it was hard to write only 10 lessons learned, but for the sake of time I narrowed it down to the lessons that really hit me hard. In No particular order this is what I took from 2011.

1. People will never learn how to treat you if you don’t tell them. We cannot go through life expecting people to read our minds.
2. If someone does something once in error, it’s a mistake, but if they keep doing the same thing it stops being a mistake and becomes a choice. Constant choices become habits. Be careful of your choices.
3. Listen to that little voice inside you; it’s God trying to talk to you. Don’t ignore Him, He wants a relationship with you and you NEED a relationship with Him.
4. Life is not about people who act true to your face, it’s about people who remain true behind your back. Watch for those who show their true colors when your back is turned, these are the people who CANNOT be trusted.
5. Be careful of your words because they most certainly WILL live in your future. Choose your words wisely and remember you cannot take words back, once said those words remain a permanent and constant reminder about how you felt at that moment in time.
6. Embrace your struggles as you do your successes, struggles are the best teachers life have to offer.
7. You will only truly prepare for a storm after being in one or witnessing the affects of one. We gain wisdom from our experiences. So there are NO failures, there’s ALWAYS a lesson to be learned.
8. Be kinder to yourself, no one is perfect and we will continue to make mistakes-it’s part of living.
9. Stop allowing other people into your marriage/relationship, not everyone deserves to be privy to what happens in your life because not everyone’s intentions are good.
10. FORGIVE in order to be FORGIVEN-it’s so hard, but it MUST be done.

FINSH this year off STRONG. Nothing can be done about the days behind us; so leave the pieces on the floor and move on. We have less than 5 days to head in a new direction with our relationships, our emotions, and our lives in general. Let’s not take old baggage into the New Year, let go of the pain from 2011 and imagine it gone. Remember everyday you wake up you are given another day to get it right.

God bless you all in the upcoming year and I hope you all take inventory for the stock you had in 2011.

Love, Live, Life
Nicole

Perfectly Flawed

It’s November and all I can say is this year the devil has been busy in my life. Over the last 11 months I have been battered (not literally, symbolically speaking). Picture your heart being ripped from your chest and being stomped on, shot at, stabbed, and just for lack of a better word-mangled. I have been judged by what I’ve said, how I’ve said it, and what exactly it meant. I have been lied to from friends, family members, and kids. Now, for every rainy day there MUST be a few sunny days, so these last 11 months have not been all bad. My daughter, whom I didn’t believe I was going to ever had crawled, walked, and is now running, she smiles and lights up my life. My son has made honor roll, touchdowns, and unbelievable artwork that I will cherish for the rest of my life. My husband, has made me laugh, commissioned art pieces from 2 wonderful artists for both Mother’s Day and just because gifts. My family and friends have had wonderful shoulders for me to lean on and ears to listen when I was happy or sad, so life ain’t been all bad. When all is considered I AM truly blessed and highly favored because I was able to stand on the shoulders of giants.

I am writing this because sometimes we just have to write it down in order for it all to make sense. I’ve asked all the questions; I’ve questioned, when, “When Lord is this going to happen for me?” I have asked what. “What, am I going to do?” I’ve questioned, why? Why, Lord, why is this happening to me?” I’ve wondered how. “How, Lord, how will this/that happen?”

At the end of the day I ain’t perfect, I am as I’ve been saying for years a perfectly flawed work in progress but recently God turned my world, in the words of Diana Ross, upside down, inside out, round and round, he turned it. Those questions consumed me in my many times of need. However, this I know and truly believe, all things happen for a reason, we don’t understand it in that moment because we are too consumed with our issues. As time heals all wounds time also seems to put into place the answers to our questions.

When: I was looking for things and even with my glasses and contacts on had not seen what or that God had delivered me. It may have not been I wanted but it was most surely what I needed. I remember even looking at the amount of time that has passed thinking God is moving too slowly; I need and want this ‘thing’ right now. I had to remember in God’s time, not ours.

What: I was looking for God to show up, in white, rocking Jesus sandals- you know the ones made popular in the 90’s. I was not looking in a book, listening to the word at the few times I had attended church and not even in the words of the many gospel songs I listen to daily. I had not known I had the answer the entire time, just sitting in my home, it’s even on the internet know, with one simple Google search you can read about what to do.

Why: I was looking to hear God’s voice, you know like Morgan Freeman’s voice in Bruce Almighty. And even as still as I was attempting to be and as quiet as the room was I could not hear God’s voice. It was there, but my ability to hear him was limited because of the spirits that had surrounded and pulled me further away from him.

How: Even though he always made a way out of no way in the past, I failed to believe that he would make a way at that moment. Although I never wanted to admit it, it’s true, at some point my faith had waivered.

Marvin Sapp has a song called Praise Him in Advance and there is a prelude to the song where he says “…you can’t wait until after the situation is over to bless the name of the lord, those type of praisers are called conditional praisers…” that was me, a conditional praiser-many of you reading are conditional praisers. He goes on to say, “…but there are those individuals who have crazy faith, that even though they are looking at the obstacle before them they’re not going to allow what they see to hinder what they believe…” I want to have crazy faith to believe that my whens, whats, whys, and hows are going to be taken care of before they happen and up until 2 weeks ago I didn’t believe that.

I end this saying I am going into 2012 with less judgment about other people because unless you’ve been there you have no idea what you would or would not do. I refuse to allow my situations and circumstances define who I am. Ending 2011 with less fear-more faith, less talk-more show, less hate-more love. I am ending 2011 with an open heart and knowing that His will, will be done and if it is meant for me then it will be mine. I am ending 2011 praying and believing that what has happened these last 11 months DO NOT define me, but help to make me stronger, stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am ending 2011 not worrying about those who tried to take me and mine down. I am ending 2011 knowing that my haters can’t do what I do and that’s why they are haters-I can’t be worried about my haters, they can’t do anything to me that I don’t allow. I am ending 2011 knowing that I have the power to control my happiness, I know that God has favored me, because with all that I’ve experienced and lived through I know I am NOT a victim, I AM a survivor.

Facebook friends, I know there's a great deal of speculation about some of my posts, blogs, quotes, and pictures and I appreciate the interest on my life, but my life is not about entertaining you. I will never be limited with words or emotions so what I write are my truths and while I know it is human nature to wonder what this song, status update, or quote means ultimately you can speculate what happened the last 11 months of my life, calling, texting, and inboxing other Facebook friends to ask questions or you can look at the last 11 months of your life and reflect. I suggest the latter; we are all perfectly flawed works in progress.

What You Not Gone Do – Spring/Summer Edition

Why is it that when summer comes the tops on cars go down and so do people’s inhibitions. What is it about heat that makes people lose a bit of common sense? In the summer time even your most conservative woman will put on an outfit that is inappropriate baring unsightly belly fat and unshaven arm pits.

When you know better you do better therefore I feel it is my duty to tell you what you not gone do is …

10. Wear things that are meant to sleep in/lounge around the house out in public. I know I said pajama pants, head scarves, rollers, acne medicine, etc. but in the summer we must be sure to include slips, lingerie, bras and house shoes. Unless you have the body of a Victoria Secret runway model and are walking that catwalk leave your underwear under your clothes. This is an ALL SEASON RULE!

9. Wear a Brazilian cut string bikini and you have the body of a 12 year old boy or you look like Rasputia from Norbet. True there is somebody for everybody, but that does not mean there is a swimsuit for everybody. Just because your significant other likes to play connect the stretch marks when it’s you and he does not mean you have the right to put on a Brazilian cut string bikini. If you have a teacher’s pouch, wear the original mother jeans and they look like mother jeans on you, or your stomach looks like a road map YOU DON’T HAVE THE BODY TYPE THAT CAN WEAR A BRAZILIAN CUT STRING BIKINI. I can say this because I don’t have the body type to be in that type of bikini or any bikini for that matter. Yea, I know we are all beautiful in our own ways but know your limits and stay within them ladies.

8. Rock a 5o’clock shadow under your arms. If your armpits have a five o’clock shadow DO NOT wear any tank tops, sun dresses and or halter tops this summer. There’s waxing, electric shavers, Nair, razors, electrolysis so why in 2011 do we still have women walking around with stubble under their armpits. Oh and if you do not shave and you come out wearing the aforementioned just know people are going to stare so please do not get upset when that happens. And yes I know some people don’t shave for XYZ reasons but still people are going to stare, possibly point and may even question your hygiene. #IJS.

7. Wear Daisy Dukes if you have cottage cheese thighs, twigs for legs, or a donk that would put Nikki Minaj to shame. Now I know I will receive flack from all the men who appreciate a big butt and a smile in small shorts but seriously Daisy Dukes are NOT IN STYLE and they need to be placed to rest with jellies, midriff tops, and neon shorts with matching slouching socks. If you question whether your shorts are too short remember they should not look like underwear, if you are over the age of 12 and you recently purchased or made a pair of shorts the resemble underpants return them or give them to your younger sister. It’s 2011, the 90’s called they want their fad back.

For all my visual people

Unacceptable

Equally unacceptable

Acceptable

6. Not use lotion and walk around looking like a bed of limestone rocks. This goes for both men and women. For some odd reason when it gets hot people lose their minds. I’m not sure if because in the summer we sweat and therefore believe that our skin is somehow moisturized because of that but YOU STILL MUST USE LOTION, yes even in 90+ degree whether. Look, in the summer your skin should glow, you know look like it’s been kissed by the Sahara sun. If you get out the house and your skin resembles limestone there is a problem.

5. Not wear sunscreen. In regards to #6, not only does your skin need moisture in the summer you need sunscreen as well. BLACK people can get skin cancer too. We must protect our skin by wearing sunscreen. I hear you, “Black don’t crack, I look 5-10 years younger than my white counterparts, I have enough melanin, etc, etc, etc.” Just because it ain’t cracked yet doesn’t mean it won’t and keep going under the sun without sunscreen and see if your face doesn’t eventually start to look like a black snake skin bag. Just put it on!

4. Wear a tacky, tattered, unbeweaveable, or colorful weave. Again, this is an ALL SEASON RULE. However, in the spring/summer it seems like it gets worse. There is Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day and oh I cannot forget Easter when the women start rocking colorful looking Easter baskets on their heads. If your head looks like any of the following you need to be in a hair show and not walking the streets. These are EPIC fails!

SERIOUSLY!?!?

WHY?


IDIOT IS NOT EVEN GETTING PAID TO ADVERTISE, NOT THAT IT'S GOOD ADVERTISEMENT


YOU HAVE TO COORDINATE YES, BUT NOT WITH YOUR HAIR COLOR


You get the picture right?

3. Is wear socks with sandals. Look I know in the early 90s people used to wear the Jesus sandals (I’m sorry the name slips my mind right now) with socks and even then it was wrong. It is the summer the only time your feet should be covered is if you are wearing tennis shoes or your feet look like roadkill (see #1). Wearing socks with sandals even for a man is a mistake. If you wanna wear socks wear shoes NOT sandals. I don’t care if they are the Addidas or Nike slip on athletic sandals. You don’t look gansta, cool, or sexy you look like a grandpa! NO SOCKS WITH SANDALS EVER PERIOD!!!!!

2. Wear Uggs in the summer with shorts. Look I LOVE my Uggs and I did this the entire summer I was preggers but I looked FOOLISH and so will you. Say what you will but Uggs are boots. Boots are to protect your feet and legs from water, snow, and cold temperatures. Well unless it gets colder than 50 degrees this summer none of us should be seen rocking Uggs in the summer. If we don’t at least look foolish we look confused. Tank tops, shorts and Uggs…Hhmmmm make up your mind as to which season you want to be in.

*gives side eye and dares anyone to say something if they catch me in a moment of weakness rocking my Uggs, a tank top and a pair of shorts. CAUTION APPROACH AND SAY SOMETHING AT YOUR OWN RISK. I GET MUCH ATTITUDE IN THE HEAT, LOL!

1. Have dry, cracked, thirsty feet with brown toe nails and calloused heels. Look ladies it’s raining now but soon it will be PERFECT weather to show off our feet. Please DO NOT come out the house rocking FABULOUS sandals if your feet, heels, or ankles look like this:



Now I know that is a bit extreme but seriously there is no excuse for anyone to come out the house wearing exposed feet without proper pedicuration (yes I made that up). You don’t have to go to Mi Ling in order to get a perfectly pedicured foot either you can DIY. Just make sure that you soak your feet weekly to remove all dead skin, clip and trim and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS moisturize at night, I prefer baby oil and then put on a soft pair of socks (footies) to sleep in, this locks moisture in, STOP wearing chipped toe nail polish and don't forget the cuticle oil daily or at least every other day.

In the words of Salt-n-Pepa “I know ain’t no body perfect. I give props to those that deserve it…” but we’ve got to do better. Please do not end up on Gladys and Victoria’s blog www.those2.com like a certain someone from a Day Party because you decided to be a rebel and go against the grain. Slow your role, dress appropriately and know your limits and all will be fabulous this summer.

LOVE, LIVE, LIFE!

Parents Just Don't Understand

Remember when parents used to be parents and not your ‘friends’? I remember when my mother and father told me to do something it meant not now, but RIGHT NOW. I moved-no questions asked and if I couldn’t remember exactly what I was told to me I would figure it out, because there was no way I wanted to go back to Gary or Gayle and ask “what did you tell me to do?” ADD/ADHD didn’t exist and ‘I forgot’ was not a good enough reason. Not doing something when and how you where told when I was a child was reason for an immediate beat down. However, it seems parenting these days has gotten extremely laxed. I hear kids in stores telling their mama what they ‘not gone do’, the kids at school don’t turn in homework because they didn’t want to do it, and the worst in my opinion are the kids who walk around dressed like mini Beyonces and Lil Waynes-these are children for Pete’s sake, they need our guidance not our friendship.

It’s sad that children have so much control over their lives during a time when they need to be taught how to not only develop but also manage their emotional, social, and cognitive abilities. Maybe I’m old school but I believe that a lot of this madness is because the parents are not only young but also a bit irresponsible themselves. How does one teach a child to stay in a child’s place if they themselves are children?

And I can’t tell who the mother is. Not because the mother looks young, because we all know black don’t crack and with lipo, collagen, and botox anyone can look 21. I can’t tell because now the mother and daughter both look like Nicki Minaj clones. When I was growing up and a mother walked into the school building you knew she was a mother, she not only dressed as one, but she carried herself completely different than that of a sixteen year old girl. Now I can’t tell, because both go out in public looking a hot ghetto mess. Remember Clair Huxtable? Now that was what mothers looked like when I was growing up “hair done, nails done, everything did,” but the mothers when I was growing up weren’t wearing junk nails, pink and blue colored weaves, and tiny t-shirts that read ‘I got that Good-Good.’

I empathize with the kids whose mothers should be cited for leaving the house dressing and acting inappropriately, because they are not allowed to be children. These parents, mainly their mothers (in my opinion) treat them like friends. These innocent children have no idea what their mothers are really doing to their psyche. At 6 you may not understand what is going on in that moment, but trust when you get older and begin to look back on your childhood memories you will most definitely remember and be embarrassed about that time when your mother came up to school with her head partially wrapped, crusted saliva still on the sides of her mouth, wearing pajama pants, no bra, Fuggs, and cursing out the classroom teacher with morning breath so bad that the teacher’s eyes begin to water. It’s not only embarrassing it’s inappropriate for a mother to come to their child’s school and act ignorant, way to set an example.

Speaking of inappropriateness, just because it was made in a child’s size does not make it okay for them to wear it. I hate to see little girls wearing knee high boots with a heel on them and mini-mini skirts with liquid leggings; it’s just not cute to me. The child can barely walk in flat shoes and you go and buy her a pair of boots with a heel on them, I don’t get it. The poor thing is still developing fine gross motor skills, you’re hindering her natural development. And liquid leggings and mini-mini skirts aren’t appropriate on most adults so why in the world are you dressing a child like that.

Heels, skirts, and liquid leggings are one thing because they can be taken off and don’t leave permanent marks on one’s skin. Now I can understand getting your daughter’s ears pierced when they are little-it’s a rite of passage in many countries, but getting them pierced 2/3 times I believe is not only ridiculous but also sad. Even if your 5 year old asked for a 2nd or 3rd that doesn’t mean that you agree to it. I also think the trend of little boys getting their ear pierced is wrong as well, but I have several friends who think otherwise, so who am I to judge, but I can have my opinion, can’t I?

All I’m saying is that when you become a parent some things have to change, you can walk around acting like a 16 year old if you want, and still do the things you did in college, but why would you want to? With age there comes a sense of entitlement, at least that’s how I feel. I had my son when I was 23 years old and while I wanted to kick it every weekend I knew he needed me as a mother more than I need to be at Bar Cincinnati or Have a Nice Day Café. I’m proud to be a mother and if that means no longer being able to go out every night and kick it at Martino’s, dancing on top of bars with my best friend then so be it.

Will Smith was right, parents just don't understand.

Love, Live, Life!

Maybe I Talk Too Much

There was a lot of good topics to talk about this week. Here are Top 10 Things I’ve Talked About This Week. I know who cares, right? But it's always good to be in the 'know' so in case you missed it, here you go.

10. Girl Scout Cookies. It’s about that time of year and everyone I know who has a little girl between the ages of 5 and 12 has hit me up already asking “how many boxes you need?” I’m scared to answer my phone because I am sure there will be a troop leader or a mother on the other end talking about some cookies I can’t have. Everyone knows the Thin Mints and Lemonades will have you acting like an addict looking for their next hit. I have to peek out my window, cut out the lights and hit the floor because I know there’ll be some little girl dressed all cute in her uniform with that damn order form. Sorry folks, not this year I have weight to lose and cannot have those tasty little treats in my pantry calling me.

9. While it didn’t premier until Thursday, January, 13th we talked about it since seeing that man live with all those rats. That’s right A&E’s Beyond Scared Straight. The women in “Chowchilla” The Valley State Prison had all of us, even the manliest man biting his finger nails. Diabla and Green Eyes could whip a lot of today’s youth into shape-hell they made me thank my mommy for what she did to me, because I know I was a difficult teenager. Maybe President Obama can get some kind of program together where the most at risk youths can go into that prison and get their lives right.

8. Ohio. Well mainly Cincinnati. TLC’s Police Women of Cincinnati which made all Cincinnatians think about how much crime there actually is in Cincinnati. I had friends and family calling me all night asking “Is Cincinnati really like that?” “Why are you still there?” “Have you ever been to some of those places?” My reply, yes the areas shown are really like that. My job is here and in this economy you don’t leave what you have for what could be. Ummm, I plea the 5th on that last question, look I was young and dumb at one point in my life and that’s all I’ve got to say about that (in my Forrest Gump voice).

7. Ophiuchus. No not Laurence Fishborne’s character in the Matrix, but the 13th Zodiac sign. Everyone who believes that their sign defines who they are were a tad bit upset. Had me professing Scorpio for life because there’s NO WAY I could live the rest of my life as a Virgo. Well most of us who don’t follow astrology follow the Zodiac, which “has signs fixed to the seasons. Most Westerners, and all those horoscope pages we eagerly check, go by the zodiac. These signs follow what early astrologers called star signs, whose reference points are the tropics that form a ring around the earth. The zodiac is based on our relationship to the sun, not the stars.” Claudine Zap. Most astrologists don’t even use the 13th sign which has been known for some hundreds of years and apparently this topic is talked about every 13 years. So for most of us our identities are still the same, but if you follow astrology that is linked to the constellations you may need to check to see exactly who you are now. As for me I’ve been a Scorpio for 30+ years and I’ll continue on being just that. Has Your Horoscope Changed?

6. The marriage of Verizon and Apple’s IPhone. When the IPhone first came on the scene everyone was excited because there was an “app for that”, but what about the service? AT&T did not and still does not have the best service. Well we all know Verizon’s service can take you to the bottom of the earth and you will still be able to “hear me now”. Well the two have paired and quite ‘possibly’ got it right. Notice I said possibly, there are still many kinks so don’t be so eager to drop service with your current provider. Check out the pros and cons before switching Verizon vs. AT&T.

5. Jay Z and Kanye West. WOW two of my Top 5 on one CD. Is this possible? Am I dreaming? Nope the single H.A.M, which dropped Tuesday, January 11th, has been in heavy rotation on radio stations and links for the song have flooded the walls of Facebook. The single comes off the highly anticipated collaborative album Watch the Throne, due out sometime this March. While I don’t care for it as much as some of their other collabos, with a sick beat by Lex Luger, the 19-year-old kid who has provided beats for Rick Ross and yes even Waka Flocka Flame, H.A.M will still have most Hip Hop Head and rap enthusiasts going Hard As a Mutherf**ker.

4. Sarah Palin. There is something to be said about Palin’s lack of common sense. I’m not sure I’d call it ignorance, because that leads us to believe that she had a lack of understanding or was somehow unaware of what her words ‘could’ do. While I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I cannot understand how Palin’s violent rhetoric and imagery in regards to Representative Gabrielle Giffords and the other Democratic candidates in the 2010 midterm elections can be misconstrued as ignorance. Palin knows what words can do. She’s great a manipulating other people’s words to her advantage. She did it all throughout her run to Vice Presidency and continues to do it to get out of the sticky situations she puts herself in. Whether Palin’s words were the motive behind the young man who tragically killed 6 and wounded 14 in Arizona we can’t say for sure. No matter if you call Palin ignorant or believe that she just lacks common sense she apparently makes up for it in personality. She has a huge fan base, a book deal and a show on TLC. Does she sound like someone who is ignorant? I doubt it.

3. Marsha Ambrosius’ Far Away video. This video deals with some heavy topics that within the African American community we tend to avoid: homosexuality, bullying and suicide. There is not much to be said about the video as I feel it speaks for itself so please check it out. Far Away. Also, if you watch 106 & Park and believe this is something that needs to be seen and talked about more you can vote for it on the 106 & Park countdown, 106 & Park.

2. President Barack Obama. Say what you want about President Obama but he gave one of the most inspirational and moving speeches I’ve ever heard at the memorial service for the victims of the weekend shooting in Arizona. Held at the University of Arizona's McKale Memorial Center on Wednesday, January 12th President Obama’s words gave a sense of hope to the city of Tucson. His speech was even well received by his naysayers, "I'm no fan of President Obama but loved his speech. In fact, it's the first one I've ever liked. Like others, I was a bit taken aback at the cheering," commenter Dexterdoggy said. While many loved his speech and thought it was the best speech Obama has given since his run for the Presidency as well as while he’s been in office some believe the speech was inappropriate for a memorial service and that Obama was there only for political reasons, well he is the President of the United States.

1. The Game. I know this is not more important that the tragedy of Arizona and President Obama’s speech but it was and continues to be the most talked about topic this week on Facebook, Twitter, and around the office cooler. For those of you who DVR’d it and have not seen the season premiere of The Game you can continue to read I will not give anything away. There was so much going on in the season premiere that honestly I was a little disappointed, now I’m not writing it off but the first episode on BET definitely had a lot of changes that as a fan of the show I did not necessarily appreciate. I hope that the shows being on BET does not affect the rest of the season. Check out a trailer, The Game. See new episodes on BET, Tuesdays @ 10pm.

Happy Friday Folks!

Love, Live, Life

Nicole

Writing it down helps and this is my therapy.

I’m OVER It!

Since 2011 is here and I’ve vowed to no longer bite my tongue. I feel it’s only fair that I talk about the over talked about topics that I’m so over.

10. Facebook (FB) shutting down in March 2011. FB has been shutting down since July 2009 and it’s still here. It if by chance it shuts down there will be other social media sites. So please let’s stop talking about it.

9. Niki Minaj, Lil Kim, & Foxy Brown. I can’t tell you how I’m so over it. I am not a Nikki fan, but Lil Kim hasn’t put out a CD and no other woman has taken command like Nikki so until someone puts out something to shut her up, let’s get off of it already. Foxy Brown just STOP, you can’t come out of no where with a TERRIBLE diss track and think you’re still relevant.

8. Pajama Jeans, While the concept seems ideal, jeans that are as soft and comfortable as pajamas I don’t know want to see or hear anymore about them. And if I see one anyone I know wearing them in public I’ll probably scream. This is just as bad as wearing pajamas in public-NOT CUTE! IMS.

7. Lebron James leaving Cleveland. He’s gone, he plays for the Miami Heat, get over it. I’m over all the hype. Can we not talk about his leaving Cleveland every time the Heat plays. Move on already!

6. Reality TV. I will be the 1st to admit I LOVE REALITY TV from Hoarders to BBW, but it’s becoming so saturated. I mean everybody and their mother has a reality show. I know I don’t have to tune in to watch it but I am over this craze, let’s get back to television sitcoms already.

5. Snow. I know we are not even a month into winter and more snow is to come and I posted about how “we live in Ohio and we get it every year and stop complaining…”, but I am tired of it already. It’s just an inconvenience, especially when you have a newborn to get in and out the car. Bring on the April showers and the beautiful May flowers.

4. Post telling women what they need to do to get, keep, and satisfy a man from a man who does not know how to keep, and satisfy a woman because like the women he speaks about he too is single. Com’n now, seriously, really? Do I need to explain why this is so counterproductive?

3. Haters. Look haters have been around since time began. Everyone, even the ‘Urklest’ dude has haters. Now that we’ve established that everyone has haters, can we stop talking about how everyone hates on us.

2. Music that comes on the radio. Black and Yellow, Make It Rain Trick, Speakers Going Hammer…too nursery rhymey and repetitive for me. I can’t take it. I tune in to listen to Russ Parr in the Morning and The Tome Joyner Morning Show and occasionally I listen to the new songs. “You wanna see some ____, I wanna see some cash...make it rain trick, make it, make it rain trick.” These are not lyrics, you don’t have flow, and I’m over the radio.

1. Fake Females. Look we are FB friends but don’t get on FB and act like we are BFFs. We barely know each other and when I see you in public you hardly speak. I’m over the fakeness, you have been deleted!

That is all for now.

Check me out @ http://nicole-aworkinprogress.blogspot.com/

Love, Live, Life!

Nicole

Customer Service and Common Courtesy: Have They Become a Thing of the Past?

On New Year’s Eve I ventured out to Kenwood Mall, something I normally don’t do, not because I don’t like to shop, but because I hate shopping around this time of the year. Why you ask, because people seem to be ruder and less courteous after Christmas. Seems like the day after Christmas that holiday cheer that had people saying “Happy Holidays”, “Merry Christmas” and/or, “Seasons Greetings” was sucked right out of their body. Maybe they’re upset that they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas and instead got those God awful pajamas that make your skin itch from their great aunt Gertrude. Maybe they’re upset they have to work on New Year’s Eve, I don’t know what their issue is, but that day I seriously thought I was on MTV’s Boiling Point, because no matter where I was there was a sales clerk who I thought I would lose it on.

I took my son into the Gamestop inside Kenwood mall. Now my son who had some cash and $80 in Gamestop gift cards. I’ve taught my son when he goes into a store he needs to look the sales person in the eye and ask for what he wants. Azaan asked the sales clerk about a specific game. The clerk responded we don’t have it and proceeded to help the next customer. No, “do you want me to check the 20+ Gamestop stores within a 15 mile radius,” NOTHING! Since the sales clerk didn’t offer to, Azaan asked the guy could he call another store to see if they had it. The guy looks up the number and begins to rattle it off to my son. Now Azaan got a cell phone for Christmas and is still learning about cell phone etiquette and was more than eager to dial any number given to him. My naïve nine year old pulled out his cell phone and began to dial the number. I stepped in and told Azaan to put his phone away. I advised the clerk exactly what his job was. He told me he had paying customers waiting. Hhhhmmm, my son has $80 worth of gift cards and cash in his wallet, was he not considered a paying customer? Anyway since when did sales clerks stop being courteous enough to call other stores to check to see what store may have the item you are looking for? As he told the next customer to step up, I asked to speak to a manager. “I am the manager” he said curtly. At this point, I was too through. I gathered my kids, placed the 3 games Azaan wanted on the counter and left. The sales clerk offered no apologies and continued working-if that’s what you would call it.

The whole time we were in GameStop I didn’t here one “your welcome” or “thank you”. Many of the clerks replied “no problem” I even heard a few clerks say “ugh hugh.” Ugh hugh, I mean seriously. Where has the customer service gone and when if ever will it return? Whatever happened to the customer is always right and if not right, at least treated with some respect. Now I know people have bad days, but this was kind of service is experienced far too often from far too many people.

While I came home and wanted to write a letter or call to let someone in that company know about my experience I had to attend to my many responsibilities. I am one who will call when I receive excellent service and you better believe I will call or write when I receive poor service. While I didn’t call or write the day it happened I remembered this morning when my son asked if I would take him to Gamestop after school. With that reminder and the help of the internet I found an email and telephone number where I could direct my complaint. While nothing may come of my email or phone call I feel that you have to call stores to let them know about your poor service. I mean, if they don’t know about the problem, how can they fix it? Nicole

Now, while I've experienced terrible customer service and some of it was the fault of the sales clerk there are many times that 'we' sabotage our own shopping or dining experiences. I’ve come up with several ways to get better customer service.

1. Compliment the person giving you the ‘service’
When you tell the person giving you the service that you were pleased it is likely that they will continue to give good service. Drop a compliment card; tell management about the good service you received. If they don’t know that you are happy with the service they may say why continue to do it.

2. Keep receipts
If you have been over charged, charged for an item that you didn’t purchase, or want to return an item it is easier when you have receipt. You cannot go into a store with an attitude demanding they do what you want and you don’t even have a receipt as proof of purchase.

3. Understand what you are getting
If you go into a restaurant and are unsure of something on the menu, ask the waiter or waitress how it’s cooked, what’s in it, how can it be changed to fit what you want to eat. If what you want is not on the menu ask them can they make it for you, you may have to pay a little extra but a lot of restaurants will do this for you. If it’s an item that you are purchasing such as a TV, gaming system, appliance, etc., research it. Don’t purchase anything without asking questions; otherwise it is likely that you will get something you really didn’t want.

4. Ask to speak to management
Most of the time the sales clerk can only do so much in regards to making a decision other than how to give you your change. They don’t even have keys to over-ride a purchase for God’s sake. If there is something wrong with your service don’t browbeat them, just ask to speak to a manager. If they’re management ask to speak to the owner. You can’t expect someone low on the totem pole to do something they are not authorized to do.

5. Check yourself
Too often we are the one with the attitude. It is possible that we are having a bad day and go into the situation claws out and the sales person is feeding off of our energy.

If all else fails just kill em’ with kindness, no sense in raising your blood pressure!

Love, Live, Life!

Loving You

Was talking with a friend the other day and then today I read a few status updates on Facebook that had to deal with relationships ending. Many of these statuses had the woman questioning what she may have done wrong. Now I’m not naive and I know that this woman may have been at fault, but here lately I’ve noticed that way too many women are getting down about a man who was not down for them to begin with. I was reading and came across this quote from Toni Morrison. It pretty much sums up what I would love to tell some of my friends and just women in general. Toni Morrison hit the nail on the head with this one.

"You think because he doesn't love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn't want you anymore that he is right -- that his judgment and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you think you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him, don't. It's a bad word, 'belong.' Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn't be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can't even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don't wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can't own a human being. You can't lose what you don't own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don't, do you? And neither does he. You're turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can't value you more than you value yourself." ~ Toni Morrison

A man that loves you will allow you to be who you are, doing what you do. He will not try to change that. Too many of us, women, are too consumed with being in a relationship that we are not 'being' who we want to be. We cut our hair for our man because he likes it short; we lose weight because he says we’re too big, we don’t go out with our girlfriends because he says we kick it too much. I’m married and I’ve done it as well. Many of us whether we are married or just dating are in love with being in love-we want the fairytale. In love with being in love so much that we give too much of ourselves and when the relationship comes to an end, there is nothing left for us-essentially we lose ourselves in our men. We have to STOP doing what someone else wants us to do and START being who we want to be. A man can't love you if you don't love yourself.

Remember “you are a human being, not a human doing!” ~ Unknown

Think about it!

Love, Live, Life!

Nicole

Not Another Resolution

“So it’s a new year and you’re still in a funk? That's because you thought on January 1, 2011
(1-1-11) a magic wand was gonna wave over your life and make everything all better! NOPE You're gonna have to put some work in!” Authenticity! TruYu

It's 2011 and everyone has made their resolutions, said goodbye, adios, and deuces to a year that was just yesterday, and claimed this year to be 'the' year. Yesterday a friend proudly stated "2011 is going to be a good year for me!" Now she said the same thing about 2009 and 2010, but at each New Year she was upset with how the previous year had gone. Maybe she thought all her worries from that year would go away and at midnight all would be better. No, those bills you created in 2010 will still be haunting you in 2011. The job you so hated on December 31st, yep you've guessed it, you'll still hate on January 1st.

Now I doubt that she believed that all her worries would end on December 31st, but many people make these unrealistic resolutions and expect that just because the New Year has come that all acquaintances will be forgotten. Sorry folks that's just a song and life does not work like that. Personally, I’ve never understood why people make resolutions to do or be a better person in the New Year. I mean what was so wrong with the old you? And if there was something so wrong and it needed to be fixed why did you wait until the New Year to fix it? Couldn’t have been too important to you, I mean you did wait 365 days to “fix” it. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve made my fair share of resolutions before and most of the time I’ve fallen short, which is why I refuse to put myself through this practice any longer.

Most of the time people make resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking, get financially or spiritually right, but fall short because they have not prepared themselves. You can’t say I’m going to start running a marathon and allow the New York Marathon to be the first time you’ve ever ran, well I guess you could but someone might find you laid out somewhere begging for water and air. We cannot expect to be transformed in a day. It didn’t take you a day to get into said situation therefore you have to believe it will take more than a day to get out of said situation.

This is not to knock anyone’s resolution, just make sure that if you resolve to do something that you are prepared to put in the time and work it takes, otherwise you are making the decision to let yourself down. This time next year I don't want to hear how you could've had Beyonce's body by now had you put those damn chocolate chip cookies down. No, but seriously, let’s stop waiting until the New Year to start transformation; the New Year is just that, a new year- a set of numbers that indicates a change in time. It does not mean that you have to resolve to do anything differently than you did last year. If you are not happy with something in your life prepare to make the changes effective immediately and work towards those changes daily, life is too short to wait and transformation is a slow progress.

Time is the one thing in life you’ll never get back-how will you spend yours? Resolving or solving?

Love, Live, Life!

Nicole