I Am Not My Hair

This blog came as a result of a recent conversation with several women, some natural and some who rocked the creamy crack.


Over the last several years I've seen more and more of sistas going natural, throwing away the creamy crack and embracing their natural curl and texture. Going natural can be difficult, trust me I know. I've attempted it almost ten times now and every time I relax my hair I swear it’s the last time. After seeing Chris Rock's “Good Hair” and seeing what relaxer can do to a Coke can and hearing the stories of what the caustic cream can do to one's scalp should be enough for anyone to stop using. However, it's just not that easy, having attempted and going as fair as cutting all my hair off I was successful only once and that was by default. Default because I was pregnant with my first child and I was told you cannot relax while you’re pregnant because the chemicals will hurt the baby. 9 years and two kids later I know that is not true.

I love that so many African American women are going natural. I can now go to websites to see beautiful African American women share tips on how to go natural. When I went natural over 9 years ago there were not many sites where one could go to get advice. However, if you now type “natural hair care” in your computer's browser hundreds of sites come up. I have several friends who are natural and if I have a question I know I can call, text, or Facebook them and ask. There are blogs about women who have recently begun their journey. They blog that first big chop to cut the relaxer out, the first wash with the natural hair, and even demonstrate how to use products, how to twist, loc, braid, and curl natural hair. And while it’s rare occasionally you may even see a natural sista in a video, in a commercial, or in a non-ethnic magazine.

While I love, cheer for, and even admire all the sistas who are going natural. I also understand that being natural is not something that all women want. There are those women who swear their natural hair is “much too thick, too curly, too unruly, or just too difficult” to deal with. Some women like me have gone natural by default or have gone natural but couldn’t find the right products. There are those women who say “I just like my hair straight and my natural hair would never get this straight” and therefore they faithfully relax their hair every 4-6 weeks. Whatever the reasons, these women like myself choose to relax.

I don’t care how you wear your hair, weave it til you achieve, sew it til you grow it, be happy to be nappy but please, please, please don’t judge another woman because she is not doing what you think is best. This is what makes us so wonderful and diverse. Many (NOT ALL) natural sistas want it to be known that they are natural and are eager to share their journey, while sharing that journey they like to tell you the dangers of the creamy crack. I wonder do they know that many (NOT ALL) sistas who choose to chemically relax their hair don’t really want to know what they are putting on their scalps. I wonder do they know that many of us know what’s in the cream, but really don’t care; we are only interested in getting our hair straight “by any means necessary.” And yes sometimes that means getting burnt and sometimes damaging our hair-we know all the possible outcomes and still choose to relax, why? Because it comes with the territory.

And while those of us who chemically relax may not want to hear about what danger lie inside the box of relaxer we also don’t want to be made to feel less black, less authentic, less accepted by natural sistas. Relaxing doesn’t mean that I hate myself or for some reason that I am trying be white. It only means that I want my hair straight. Now I’ve been to some of these natural sites and I’ve spoken to many women who choose to wear their hair natural. Many of these sites advise that while you are transitioning that it’s okay to wear a weave, wig, or braids-how is that natural? You are covering your natural hair with someone else’s or braiding someone else’s hair into your own.

While we are speaking of covering up, let’s talk about makeup and being natural. Many of the natural women that I know still wear makeup-how is that natural? To me natural means “natural”-not altered, treated, or disguised. Makeup is used to alter one’s appearance and to masks one’s blemishes as well as to enhance one’s beauty. Now I’m not criticizing anyone who chooses to be natural and wear makeup, nor am I criticizing anyone who decides to wear weave. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my weave, so by all means do you. All I’m saying is you cannot go around screaming I’m au-natural and pass judgment on another sista because she chooses the creamy crack when you both are altering your image in some kind of way. Now with that said women who are natural don't want to be told that their hair is ugly because they choose to be natural. There is beauty in both choices and we have to learn to respect other people’s choices.

As women, especially black women we must learn to uplift one another and stop bringing each other down. Let’s embrace our similarities and respect our differences.

“I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations no. I am not my skin. I am a soul that lives within. Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person? Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity? I am expressing my creativity. If I wanna shave it close. Or if I wanna rock locks. That don't take a bit away from the soul that I got. If I wanna where it braided all down my back, I don't see what’s wrong with that…” India Arie, I Am Not My Hair