Regenerated (re•gen•er•at•ed)

re·gen·er·at·ed - (r-jn-rt)
1. To reform spiritually or morally.
2. To form, construct, or create anew, especially in an improved state.
3. To give new life or energy to; revitalize.

It's 2012, many of you woke up hung-over-piecing your night together like a puzzle, made peace with 2011 and said “this year I am going to stick to my resolutions…2012 is going to be better than 2011…this year I will be financially, spiritually, and physically stronger and better than I was in 2011…” I could go on with all the things I heard last night, but I won’t. I just think it’s interesting that each year we all say we’ll do or be a better person than we were last year. I do too so I’m not knocking your resolution to be a better you.

Now, if you read my New Years Day blog from last year you’ll remember I spoke about a girlfriend who said "2011 is going to be a good year for me!" Now you’ll also remember that she said the same thing about 2009 as well as 2010. However, each year around midnight she was upset at how her previous year went. Last night at 11:45pm I got a text from that same girlfriend and it read “2012 is going to be the year of no BS.” I thought to myself “really?” Now every year she said claimed was going to be hers, but this year she boldly stated that this is the year of no BS. I agreed, so this morning in less than 140 characters I updated my twitter status to read “Team-NO BS this year...you're either for us/against us-we take NO prisoners so join us/move out our way.” Yep, 2012 is going to be the year of NO BS for me as well.

I’d be remiss if I moved on to 2012 without acknowledging 2011, which was definitely a year of awakening for me. Looking at the last 12 months of my life I realized I had been sleep. There were so many things that I had slept on and when God finally woke me up it was as if the lights had come on for the very first time, Oprah calls this an "Äh-Ha" moment. There were effects and people in my life who I thought were perfect, however these people and “things “proved to be perfectly flawed. Now if I call myself a perfectly flawed work in progress how could I ever expect anyone or any “thing” in my life to be perfect? I woke up today in great spirits, ready to conquer this life, but more importantly I WOKE UP.

I titled this blog Regeneration because it’s fitting, I AM constructing a new Nicole and I feel like I have been given a new life or energy today. I don’t expect you to believe that on January 1st that something just clicked and BOOM I decided enough of the BS already or that on January 1st that I woke up and all of my reservations/fears/issues/etc. from 2011 had ceased to exist or that all those things, situations, or people from 2011 would be forgotten because that wouldnt be true. This regeneration has been a work in progress for quite some time now. I however decided after reading my girlfriend's text last night that January 1, 2012 would be the first day of the rest of my life, that I would no longer look to my past for answers to questions that I know I don’t want to know the answers to. I can’t change the past, I can’t forget that these things took place, I can’t change the hurt I felt and still feel but I can stop living in it.-that hurt/pain/guilt/shame/defeat of the past. One should never put current energy on past events, it’s not healthy nor is it productive, this I now know first hand and will live out moving forward.

I am grateful this morning for this new life God has given me. I now understand what is meant by living two lives. You have one life that you learn with; these are the mistakes you’ve made-your PAST. The other life is the one you live, the moments that exist now-your PRESENT. Which life are you currently living?

Love, Life, Life!

Nicole